Practice Does Not Make Perfect
You hear many different phrases and names in reference to the part of our minds that talks to us in a critical voice, encouraging us to believe that what we want to achieve is not possible, and keeping us out of alignment with who we are and what we do. Here are just a few that I've heard:
The Gremlin as defined by Richard Carson in his book "The Taming of the Gremlin," is the narrator in your head who tells you who and how you are, and defines and interprets your experience. His goal is to squelch the real, vibrant you. Your gremlin wants you to feel bad.
Monkey Mind is a Buddhist term that Dr. Maria Nemeth talks about in her book "The Energy of Money." She describes it as the self-criticizing aspect of our mind that swings us from doubt, to worry, and back to doubt. Monkey Mind chatters the most loudly when we threaten to change the status quo – even if the status quo is something we long to leave behind.
The Judge as defined by Bryon Brown in his book "Soul without Shame," is the force in you that constantly evaluates and assesses your worth as a human being, and thus limits your capacity to be fully alive in the present moment. The Judge leads you to believe that you are subject to evaluation and improvement, rather than having inherent value and worth.
There are many other names that have been coined as well, such as Negative Self Talk, the Inner Critic, the Critical Parent, the Committee, and the Censor. Regardless of what you call it, this internal voice will often sound like this: "It wasn’t supposed to be so hard," "maybe now isn’t the right time to be doing this," "it’s a great idea but I don't have what it takes to do it," "I can’t ask for I want, that would be selfish," "I tried that once before and I failed, I will ruin my image if I fail again," "the universe is trying to tell me something," or "someone my age will never get hired." I am sure you can easily add to the list.
Most of what I have read on this subject takes you first through the steps of self-awareness, (or noticing), and then details how to become an observer without getting entangled with these voices. It's important to acknowledge that the voices exist. The goal is not to get rid of these messages, but simply to know that they are there, and not to focus on them or give them so much power and attention.
There are many excellent strategies aimed at refocusing our attention on the reality of the situation, giving ourselves new, more positive messages, teaching us how to listen to our inner wisdom (or intuition), and knowing who we truly are. However, what my clients and I have found is that working with this part of our mind needs a practice, or practices, that are lifelong. We don’t get to perfection; perfection is an inappropriate goal. It is the practice that seems to be where we lose momentum.
So, if a key to working with our inner dialogue is simple awareness, or noticing when it's present, what are some practices that might help? We may choose meditation, journaling, or chi gong. We may notice our thoughts by writing them down when they occur, or seeing if there are certain situations that trigger our thoughts to become more active and keeping track of these situations. We can work through the exercises in a variety of books on this subject, or find a coach or a therapist or support group that will enhance our awareness.
Once we are aware, there are many practices we can engage in to shift our focus. Some examples include rewriting our beliefs to create new ones; visualizing the way we would like the situation to be; or spending time sitting quietly and imagining a new, different outcome. Identify your critical thoughts, and write out the truth about the situation. These are just a few ideas.
The tricky part is figuring out how to start implementing any one of these ideas, and then continuing it over a long period of time. The ideas mentioned above are not quick fixes, and usually take some time before a result can be seen.
What's critical is not so much which idea you choose, but that you choose to implement anything at all. What are some practices that might help you quiet the mind chatter of criticism? What have you tried without success, and what has been successful for you? Are you now ready to explore another practice? How can you minimize this inner negative voice so you can align who you are with what you do?
Tips
Below are some tips from my clients that have helped them to start or keep their practices going:
Resources
At a Journal Workshop: Writing to Access the Power of the Unconscious and Evoke Creative Ability (Inner Workbook), by Ira Progoff. J.P.Tarcher. (1992).
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, by Nathaniel Brandon. Bantam Books. (1994).
Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Hyperion. (1995).
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
© Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.
The Gremlin as defined by Richard Carson in his book "The Taming of the Gremlin," is the narrator in your head who tells you who and how you are, and defines and interprets your experience. His goal is to squelch the real, vibrant you. Your gremlin wants you to feel bad.
Monkey Mind is a Buddhist term that Dr. Maria Nemeth talks about in her book "The Energy of Money." She describes it as the self-criticizing aspect of our mind that swings us from doubt, to worry, and back to doubt. Monkey Mind chatters the most loudly when we threaten to change the status quo – even if the status quo is something we long to leave behind.
The Judge as defined by Bryon Brown in his book "Soul without Shame," is the force in you that constantly evaluates and assesses your worth as a human being, and thus limits your capacity to be fully alive in the present moment. The Judge leads you to believe that you are subject to evaluation and improvement, rather than having inherent value and worth.
There are many other names that have been coined as well, such as Negative Self Talk, the Inner Critic, the Critical Parent, the Committee, and the Censor. Regardless of what you call it, this internal voice will often sound like this: "It wasn’t supposed to be so hard," "maybe now isn’t the right time to be doing this," "it’s a great idea but I don't have what it takes to do it," "I can’t ask for I want, that would be selfish," "I tried that once before and I failed, I will ruin my image if I fail again," "the universe is trying to tell me something," or "someone my age will never get hired." I am sure you can easily add to the list.
Most of what I have read on this subject takes you first through the steps of self-awareness, (or noticing), and then details how to become an observer without getting entangled with these voices. It's important to acknowledge that the voices exist. The goal is not to get rid of these messages, but simply to know that they are there, and not to focus on them or give them so much power and attention.
There are many excellent strategies aimed at refocusing our attention on the reality of the situation, giving ourselves new, more positive messages, teaching us how to listen to our inner wisdom (or intuition), and knowing who we truly are. However, what my clients and I have found is that working with this part of our mind needs a practice, or practices, that are lifelong. We don’t get to perfection; perfection is an inappropriate goal. It is the practice that seems to be where we lose momentum.
So, if a key to working with our inner dialogue is simple awareness, or noticing when it's present, what are some practices that might help? We may choose meditation, journaling, or chi gong. We may notice our thoughts by writing them down when they occur, or seeing if there are certain situations that trigger our thoughts to become more active and keeping track of these situations. We can work through the exercises in a variety of books on this subject, or find a coach or a therapist or support group that will enhance our awareness.
Once we are aware, there are many practices we can engage in to shift our focus. Some examples include rewriting our beliefs to create new ones; visualizing the way we would like the situation to be; or spending time sitting quietly and imagining a new, different outcome. Identify your critical thoughts, and write out the truth about the situation. These are just a few ideas.
The tricky part is figuring out how to start implementing any one of these ideas, and then continuing it over a long period of time. The ideas mentioned above are not quick fixes, and usually take some time before a result can be seen.
What's critical is not so much which idea you choose, but that you choose to implement anything at all. What are some practices that might help you quiet the mind chatter of criticism? What have you tried without success, and what has been successful for you? Are you now ready to explore another practice? How can you minimize this inner negative voice so you can align who you are with what you do?
Tips
Below are some tips from my clients that have helped them to start or keep their practices going:
- Decide that having a practice to be more aware or to shift inner dialogue is a priority. You might try thinking about the consequences of your inner critical voice: what is it stopping you from doing?
- Choose a practice and start out with 5 minutes a few times a week, then increase both the time and the frequency.
- Choose a practice you enjoy. You may need to try out a few to see what works for you. Do not give up if the first practice does not work. Keep trying!
- Remind yourself, or ask others to remind you, why this is important to you. Check in with yourself to see how you are doing. Consider forming a group of like-minded people so that you can compare notes.
- Make it simple and doable and at a time of day that will work on a consistent basis.
- Use a book with exercises in order to have a structured approach. Consider asking a buddy to work through the exercises with you.
- Be compassionate with yourself. This is a process and takes time. If you miss your practice for a day, week or month, it is not too late to start again.
- Tell others what you are up to, what your practice is and why it's important. Just saying your intention out loud to another person can give you momentum.
Resources
At a Journal Workshop: Writing to Access the Power of the Unconscious and Evoke Creative Ability (Inner Workbook), by Ira Progoff. J.P.Tarcher. (1992).
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, by Nathaniel Brandon. Bantam Books. (1994).
Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Hyperion. (1995).
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
© Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.