Staying on Course (Or Not)
There are minor and major, personal and professional, intrusions, demands and events that take us off our course or slow us down from moving toward our goals. We may get a new boss, be handed an unexpected project, or face the sale of the company. Perhaps the department is way over budget, and all of a sudden you need to come up with a plan before end of the day. Or possibly the babysitter doesn’t show up, or you or someone you love becomes ill. As we all know from experience, the list can go on and on.
We all get derailed. Depending on the significance of the event and the duration of stress (minutes, weeks, months, or years), our ability to deal with what happened and get back to our goals will vary. During these times how can you align who you are with what you do?
As I put some thought into this, I decided that there are really two ways to look at these unexpected changes. One way is to view them as a wake-up call, to have us ask ourselves if the course we have been on still has meaning for us, and whether the unexpected change offers an opportunity. If we do perceive an opportunity, we can ask ourselves what can be learned; this can help determine our new path.
The other way to look at these events is that they are diversions and distractions, a necessary part of life that we need to deal with but not by definition a reason to leave the course we have been on.
How can you determine which is which? How do we know when to evolve with the change and go with the 'new', and when to stay the course?
In thinking about these questions, I began to think about a movie that came out a couple of years ago about a sculptor named Andy Goldsworthy. The movie depicted this artist working in nature, and using all natural materials (branches, rock, water, flowers, snow, lambs wool, etc.) to make his sculpture. He sees that movement, light, growth, and change are all part of nature, and he uses these things to evolve his artwork. In many of the scenes in the movie, nature destroys the sculptures he has been working on for hours or days. The wind comes up unexpectedly, and he doesn't finish in time before the tides come in and sweep up on the beach. My interpretation is that Goldsworthy sees change as essential transformation, and he anticipates seeing how the art will evolve as a result of these unexpected events.
This movie was a reminder that part of living, and growing, is all the unexpected things that can happen in life, and that in nature we take change and growth for granted. It's helpful to me, as I look at unexpected events in my own life, to determine whether the change is an enhancement in that it moves me toward what has meaning for me. I can then see the change as a helpful and natural evolution.
If I don't see the change as something that will bring me closer to what has meaning for me, then I need to stay the course. This is easier said than done! My clients tell me that they have learned to expect change, and that it's a part of their environment. Yet change still brings emotions, and a pull away from one direction into another. Staying the course takes knowing what has meaning for you, along with a lot of support to stay committed to that direction.
For example, a client of mine had been with his organization for many years. He was extremely dissatisfied with the direction the company was taking. His role had changed, and he felt that he had not been recognized for his accomplishments. Going to work each day was getting more difficult. His focus seemed to be more on what wasn't working than what had meaning for him.
Through our conversation, he realized that what was fulfilling for him was helping his clients to grow their businesses, and to form quality relationships. This was the part of his job that he really enjoyed. In fact, his goal was to create a leaders forum in his community by the spring of 2004, in which his clients could meet, learn and share best practices. However, all the changes in the organization, and the demands being placed on him, stopped him from taking action.
While he was still choosing to be at this job, the changes were not a good reason to abandon his goal. Granted, he needed to accommodate to the new demands of the job, but over a period of time he started to focus on the aspects of the job that had meaning for him. My client needed to remind himself that although there had been changes which certainly affected him, they didn't prevent him from accomplishing what he wanted to accomplish in his work.
So, ask yourself these questions after an unexpected event: should I go with the flow, accept this change as part of the fabric of life, and embrace it? Or will staying on course do a better job of keeping me aligned with who I am and what I do? Remember, you always have the choice.
Tips from Clients
Below are some tips from my clients that incorporate strategies for staying the course as well as those for evolving with change:
Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time. Director, Cinematographer, Editor: Thomas Riedelsheimer. Music: Fred Frith. In Color. 35 mm. 90 minutes. Not Rated. 2001. Germany.
Book Suggestions
Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal. Rachel Naomi Remen. Riverhead Books (August 1997)
Twenty Minute Retreats: Revive Your Spirits in Just Minutes a Day. Rachel Harris. Pan McMillan. (May 2001)
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
© Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.
We all get derailed. Depending on the significance of the event and the duration of stress (minutes, weeks, months, or years), our ability to deal with what happened and get back to our goals will vary. During these times how can you align who you are with what you do?
As I put some thought into this, I decided that there are really two ways to look at these unexpected changes. One way is to view them as a wake-up call, to have us ask ourselves if the course we have been on still has meaning for us, and whether the unexpected change offers an opportunity. If we do perceive an opportunity, we can ask ourselves what can be learned; this can help determine our new path.
The other way to look at these events is that they are diversions and distractions, a necessary part of life that we need to deal with but not by definition a reason to leave the course we have been on.
How can you determine which is which? How do we know when to evolve with the change and go with the 'new', and when to stay the course?
In thinking about these questions, I began to think about a movie that came out a couple of years ago about a sculptor named Andy Goldsworthy. The movie depicted this artist working in nature, and using all natural materials (branches, rock, water, flowers, snow, lambs wool, etc.) to make his sculpture. He sees that movement, light, growth, and change are all part of nature, and he uses these things to evolve his artwork. In many of the scenes in the movie, nature destroys the sculptures he has been working on for hours or days. The wind comes up unexpectedly, and he doesn't finish in time before the tides come in and sweep up on the beach. My interpretation is that Goldsworthy sees change as essential transformation, and he anticipates seeing how the art will evolve as a result of these unexpected events.
This movie was a reminder that part of living, and growing, is all the unexpected things that can happen in life, and that in nature we take change and growth for granted. It's helpful to me, as I look at unexpected events in my own life, to determine whether the change is an enhancement in that it moves me toward what has meaning for me. I can then see the change as a helpful and natural evolution.
If I don't see the change as something that will bring me closer to what has meaning for me, then I need to stay the course. This is easier said than done! My clients tell me that they have learned to expect change, and that it's a part of their environment. Yet change still brings emotions, and a pull away from one direction into another. Staying the course takes knowing what has meaning for you, along with a lot of support to stay committed to that direction.
For example, a client of mine had been with his organization for many years. He was extremely dissatisfied with the direction the company was taking. His role had changed, and he felt that he had not been recognized for his accomplishments. Going to work each day was getting more difficult. His focus seemed to be more on what wasn't working than what had meaning for him.
Through our conversation, he realized that what was fulfilling for him was helping his clients to grow their businesses, and to form quality relationships. This was the part of his job that he really enjoyed. In fact, his goal was to create a leaders forum in his community by the spring of 2004, in which his clients could meet, learn and share best practices. However, all the changes in the organization, and the demands being placed on him, stopped him from taking action.
While he was still choosing to be at this job, the changes were not a good reason to abandon his goal. Granted, he needed to accommodate to the new demands of the job, but over a period of time he started to focus on the aspects of the job that had meaning for him. My client needed to remind himself that although there had been changes which certainly affected him, they didn't prevent him from accomplishing what he wanted to accomplish in his work.
So, ask yourself these questions after an unexpected event: should I go with the flow, accept this change as part of the fabric of life, and embrace it? Or will staying on course do a better job of keeping me aligned with who I am and what I do? Remember, you always have the choice.
Tips from Clients
Below are some tips from my clients that incorporate strategies for staying the course as well as those for evolving with change:
- Consider holding off on making major decisions until you're clear about your direction.
- Once you notice you are off course, and have decided to stay on course, think of a small step to get you back on track.
- Breathe often and take breaks during the day, even for a few minutes.
- Take one day at a time, look at the day ahead of you and see where it is possible to take an action toward what has meaning for you.
- Depending on the severity of the event, find a therapist.
- Get support from friends to remind you what is important to you and what your goals are.
- Stop and think about all of the possible positive consequences of the event. Take some time to wonder about what, if anything, you may be learning from the experience.
- Be compassionate with yourself. Forget the judgments, and acknowledge your situation.
- Identify what you can and can’t control and put your focus on what you can.
- Take care of you: find time to reflect and rest.
Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time. Director, Cinematographer, Editor: Thomas Riedelsheimer. Music: Fred Frith. In Color. 35 mm. 90 minutes. Not Rated. 2001. Germany.
Book Suggestions
Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal. Rachel Naomi Remen. Riverhead Books (August 1997)
Twenty Minute Retreats: Revive Your Spirits in Just Minutes a Day. Rachel Harris. Pan McMillan. (May 2001)
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
© Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.