Issue #3:
From Resolutions to Meaningful Goals
For some time now, I have stopped making New Year's resolutions. Instead I encourage my clients to adopt a different perspective regarding this annual declaration of changes they want to make starting January 1st.
The dictionary definition of "resolution" includes firmness of mind or purpose, a firm decision to do something, or the process of resolving something. While I think that resolutions are a good start, they don't go far enough. A quickly determined resolution doesn’t necessarily address the question of whether the decision aligns with who we are and what is important to us.
We are inundated by the media about making resolutions and getting the New Year off to the “right start.” Yet we all know how easy it is to get started, and then find ourselves procrastinating. If we are on track all year, however, the New Year does not need to signify something big or out of the ordinary. Instead, the New Year offers us a time to reflect, or perhaps to think about what is next and what we have accomplished. This approach avoids the pressure placed on doing something big, or on doing many things differently, as we start the New Year.
The main problem that I see with New Year's resolutions is that they tend to be more about fixing what we have not been doing, rather than setting goals for something we desire. Resolutions are about 'shoulds': we should lose weight, should eat a more healthy diet, should exercise more, should spend more time with our families, should get more sleep, should cut back on expenses, and so forth. We tend not to assess or review our resolutions over time, nor do resolutions come out of an evolving sense of what is next for us. We can also make too many resolutions, rather than selecting just two or three areas of our lives where some change might have an important impact.
There are many books that explain in detail how to formulate goals. I'd like to focus not so much on the “how to,” but rather on the idea that whatever goals you set should have meaning and relevance to you. Without taking the time to really examine what meaning the goal has for us, we lose our motivation and the persistence it may take to achieve the goal.
I, for example, tend to start out new goals with much enthusiasm and energy. However I find that if things do not materialize quickly for me, my excitement drops. What I have found helpful in staying on course is to remind myself about the reason I set the goal in the first place, and why it has value for me to accomplish it.
It's critical to look at what's behind the achievement of the goal. Examine what is important in your life, and think through whether the goal aligns with you and what is next for you over the next three, six or nine months. Look at your values, and whether you are getting to express them in what you are doing in life. Do you value being more physically fit, or at ease with your physical self? Do you value more connection and want to spend more time with your family, so that you can be a more loving parent or spouse? Do you value financial success? Formulate goals that support your values.
Take a close look at what's driving your goals. If you do not have a strong motivator, the likelihood of continuing to move forward is greatly reduced. One of my mentors, Dr. Maria Nemeth, in her book The Energy of Money, discusses intentions, and how they link to goals. She differentiates tasks from goals. She defines a goal as an area toward which play is directed. A goal brings joy and represents something positive. Goals have excitement attached to them, and are sustained over a specific timeframe. Tasks, on the other hand, are defined as unfinished items that bring relief when completed.
For example, a person's intention may be to be physically fit; their goal may be to go white water rafting in Colorado in the summer of 04. Tasks that support that goal may include losing weight, exercising, and/or joining Weight Watchers. Maria's work has been extremely powerful in helping me to rethink how I look at goals, and ensuring that who I am aligns with what I say I want to do.
So you may want to spend some time examining your resolutions, evaluating their relevance and turning them into a few goals that you feel passionate about achieving. You also want to make sure you are getting lots of support along the way. Listed below are some tips from my clients that have provided the support to keep them going with their goals.
Tips From Clients
- Find a buddy while working on your goals. For example, team up with a friend to "check in" every so often to see how you're each doing.
- Take on 1-2 goals at a time—don't let yourself get overwhelmed.
- Tape your goals to a place in your office or at home or make a visual, as a frequent reminder of what is important to you.
- Start out with small tasks and small time periods, and as you get results, increase the challenge.
- Ensure your goals line up with what is important to you. Ask the people you trust for input.
- Review goals on a regular basis with a friend or support person and adjust them as appropriate.
- Decide how you want to acknowledge your successes along the way. A special treat can serve as an excellent reminder that you're making progress toward the big picture.
- Visualize yourself accomplishing your goal, and note how good it feels.
- Put together your own support team or join an existing group with similar goals who you can check in with.
- Have the goal be fun and exciting!
Books
The Energy of Money. Dr. Maria Nemeth
Your Best Year Yet. Jinny S. Ditzler
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
ALIGNING WHO YOU ARE WITH WHAT YOU DO is ©2004 Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.
Carole Rehbock is a career and life coach, and consultant, who specializes in helping people align who they are with what they do in life. Learn more at http://www.rehbocksolutions.com or give her a call at 510-843-6417.
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