Issue #14:
Endings and Beginnings
As we approach the end of the year and anticipate a new one, I have been thinking about life's endings and beginnings, large and small, that create opportunities for us to align who we are with what we do.
We experience endings and beginnings every day, such as day turning into night; our workday starting and finishing; the changing seasons; and our creation and discarding of new ideas. Much has been written in literature, religious texts, and history about the cyclical nature of life. One song, "Turn, Turn, Turn", by The Byrds, popularized this ancient theme in the 1960's (see lyrics reprinted below).
Our endings may be small ones like saying goodbye to a favorite place or thing, or medium-sized ones like a job, career or location change, or large losses, such as ending a significant relationship or the death of a loved one. There are happy endings, such as waving goodbye to the couple leaving for their honeymoon; bittersweet endings, such as a teenager leaving the nest for college; and exhilarating endings, such as a high school or college graduation.
With all endings comes the possibility of new beginnings: of new places, new careers, new ideas and new or enriched relationships. The time between endings and new beginnings can be minutes, hours, days, months or years; it can be a period of uncertainty about what new beginning will follow a particular ending. We often refer to this time as "being in transition." Most of us have experienced major endings as destabilizing as they thrust us into unknown territory. We are shaken, taken by surprise, possibly fearful of what will happen next and initially unable to see options for moving forward.
Yet as much as we hear about endings, (and intellectually know that every ending brings a beginning), when a loss or ending occurs, it can be difficult to see the silver lining, particularly in the moment. We usually need some distance, and time, to work through (or experience and understand) the ending before we can identify what we may have learned, or what we may want to do differently as a result.
Our culture seems to have a hard time talking about endings. We often seem to be in a hurry to show others that we have moved forward by our outward behavior, even if we continue to feel "stuck" (or vulnerable and uncertain) on the inside.
In talking with friends and coaching clients, I have noticed that endings and loss can be times when some people are able to access resources of strength and courage that they did not know they had. They find resiliency and capabilities that surprise even themselves - but they often do not recognize it until the ending or period of loss has passed.
I consistently stand amazed at how people readjust their lives with a clearer focus on what has meaning and value for them. Many are able to find balance and support and even joy in life, during very difficult periods of their lives. They often seem to discover a deeper sense of who they are and what it means to be present in every moment. They evaluate their priorities every day and concentrate on what is important to them. Thus, they are aligning 'who they are with what they do' and doing this on a continual (or on an ongoing) basis, shifting their priorities as the circumstances of their life change.
After a period of reflection and healing as part of the transition we are ready to search for a new beginning. We may find our energy returning and with it some excitement as we generate some questions about the future: How do I want my life to be? What do I need to learn? What has meaning for me? How do I want to spend my time? What are my options? How do I want to contribute? What activities do I want to explore? Is there something I want to do that I have not done? What support do I need? As we answer these questions, the new beginning starts to evolve and we are ready to move forward.
We all deal with endings ranging from small to great and hopefully we can use endings to find new beginnings that align who we are with what we do.
Wishing all of you endings that lead to wonderful new beginnings in 2006.
Happy Holidays
BOOKS:
1. The Way of Transition-embracing life's most difficult moments, by William Bridges, Perseus Publishing, 2001.
2. Oh, the Places You'll Go, by Dr. Seuss, Random House New York, 1990
LYRICS
Turn, Turn, Turn Lyrics
by The Byrds
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late
COPYRIGHT AND PUBLISHER INFORMATION
ALIGNING WHO YOU ARE WITH WHAT YOU DO is ©2005 Carole Rehbock. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced without express written permission from the publisher.
Carole Rehbock is a career and life coach, and consultant, who specializes in helping people align who they are with what they do in life. Learn more at http://www.rehbocksolutions.com or give her a call at 510-843-6417.
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